Recognize

I'm not sick. I don't think I've been fully healthy since the day before new year's eve. It has always been something: sore throat, cough, congestion. I've suffered three distinctively unique flu strains since year's beginning - each riding the tail of the previous bout. Being sick was second nature, and I was as resigned to its perpetuity as though it were a new scar or a colostomy bag.

It has taken several days for this to register. I think I've been well through the entire weekend. It's hard to pinpoint where things turned, when you've stopped asking yourself how you're doing in the morning.

Also, from 3:45 PM friday until 9:00 AM today: I did not work. I was not paged. I achieved a mental dissociation from work - and completely failed to notice it. This follows five consecutive weekends where I at least had to work five hours; on one weekend, twenty. These spells have been mostly unplanned. I would leave for the weekend thinking every minor detail was accounted for, every requirement automated - then get a call on Saturday AM that would chain me to my home office until after sundown. When it was planned - it was some unique, unusual request that required my attention Sunday night into Monday's wee hours. All of this had the affect of keeping me on a tight leash, not wanting to stray from the nearest fire hydrant. I could never tell when the next fire would erupt.

But this weekend, nothing erupted.

This weekend, I did nothing at all - made no plans - not appreciating how fit I was for anything; everything.